As promised, the collected insanity of two days of driving with an overstuffed car and a cat. You can find Mitu’s summation of the adventure here, which might make this a bit easier to follow, come to think of it, as it’s mostly just a bunch of pictures and out-of-context quotes. Minor language ahead…
D = Dea (via text message), H = Haley (via human interpreter), K = Mitu, M = me.
Day 0: Packing and Planning (and Pursuing emPloyment)
Searching for points of interest and hilarity to break up the trip
K: Wisconsin is weird.
M: …I’ve never been to the giant eyeball.
K: No? It’s got a fish next to it.
Writing cover letters
M: This is what this sentence should say—make it sound pretty.
Upon learning water may not be turned on in K’s new apartment
M: I need to pee–Mitu, drive me to the gas station!
K turns and sees octopus hanging from M’s ear
K: as if this were the most normal thing in the world If you want, you can also hang him like this.
K hooks octopus tentacle into already low neckline of M’s shirt
Whilst K and M attempt to sleep, kitten attacks M from underneath cot
M: I’m being pugilized in the ass!
Day 1: Cat in the Car
H has been suspiciously silent
K: How is she?
M: She’s either sleeping or dead.
D: …Do you have a preference?
H explores the back of the car and begins to set up camp
M: She’s nesting, oh my god…
K: At least she isn’t peeing…
M yelps during sudden lane change
K: I was moving over because there was an asshole on my ass.
M: …I…hope so?
Discussing H’s eye infection
M: We can have a pirate kitty! Black Beard…Black Butt…Black Beluga.
Day 2: Signs and Sunshine (also Sunburn and Starting to Settle)
K carries H, in crate, out of motel room
K: Oh. Hey. Cat.
H’s head and shoulders emerge from crate…
K: Oh. Hey. Cat.
H climbs out of crate, over K’s shoulder and into lap
During an hour of very insistent meowing
H: Mommy mommy I have to poop!
Reading signs in Ohio and Kentucky
K: Sligo. Oh my god Sligo.
K: Santa Claus. Ferdinand. Jasper.
M: It sounds like you’re trying to name a cat.
K: Please don’t ever name a cat Santa Claus.
Wondering how other travelers perceive K, M, and H
M: Do they think we’re roommates or do they see two lesbians with their cat?
H is blocking the rear view mirror. Again.
M: The cat is nesting.
K: On the bacon.
K flips open dash compartment holding pen and paper
K: WRITE THAT DOWN
Soundtrack for a Successful Roadtrip:
“Fighting Trousers” by Professor Elemental
“Airship Pirate” by Abney Park
“Mona Lisa” by Panic! at the Disco
“Brother” by Murder by Death
“Love You Anyway” by Boyzone
“Physical” by Olivia Newton-John and Jane Lynch
“Wannabe” by the Spice Girls
“All you wanted” by Michelle Branch
“The Bad Touch” by the Bloodhound Gang
“Hypnotized” by Jeffrey Straker
“Brand New Ocean” by same
“Slings and Arrows” by same
“Sad Songs” by same
“Alejandro” by Lady GaGa
“Poker Face” by same
“Born This Way” by same
“Judas” by same
“Shut Up and Drive” by Rhianna
“Only Girl in the World” by same
“S&M” by same
“I Like It” by Enrique Iglesias ft. Pitbull
“Tonight (I’m Loving You)” by Enrique Iglesias ft. Ludacris
“Break Your Heart” by Taio Cruz ft. Ludacris
“Dynamite” by Taio Cruz (with lyrics changed to Doctor Who parody)
“Starstrukk” by 3Oh!3
“My First Kiss” by 3Oh!3 ft. Ke$ha
“Oh Oh Oh Sexy Vampire” by Fright Ranger