Modern Courtship

05 Jan

…Is seriously effed up. I think most of our ancestors would agree that you’re supposed to get someone’s name before rubbing your genitals all over them, but that’s just not how we do things these days. No, we don’t always even bother to get a good look at the person’s face before engaging in a little barroom bump-and-grind. Which is really rather bizarre, when you think about it sober. (And thus, I suspect, why nobody does this sober.)

Tavern courtship etiquette aside, who knew dating could be such a fiasco? Meet a decent guy (okay, fine, yes, in a bar, and okay, fine, yes, with a bit of bump-and-grind), go out for coffee, have a good time, take it from there. Simple, right? Not when you suddenly discover that the very thought of being in a relationship makes you break out in hives. Never mind that he’s cute, and sweet, and smart, and funny, or that as a single woman in her twenties, you’re supposed to be on the hunt for anything with a Y chromosome that will stand still long enough (provided you’re heterosexual, of course).

But then again…I’m twenty-two. I don’t even have a full-time job yet, let alone anything resembling an actual career path. How the heck am I supposed to try to fit someone else into my life when I’m not even sure where I fit? I need to find a job, I need to settle in, I need to figure out who I am as an adult – let alone as a person – before I try to jam someone else in there. Even if he is cute, and sweet, and smart, and funny.

On the one hand, it’s liberating to admit to myself that I’m just not looking for male companionship right now. It clears away a whole lot of stress and self-inflicted pressure – not to mention life is sometimes much easier without the Sex Which Refuses to Communicate.

On the other hand, it’s hard not to feel like I’m just giving up on the whole relationship thing. I want a relationship eventually, right? Probably? Right now I just find the whole idea stressful and exhausting. What about kids? Eventually, yeah. But how long is eventually? Are these hypothetical kids even going to have married parents? With the way the American dating and mating patterns are going now, is the idea of the traditional nuclear family even a realistic goal? Is it even what I want?

Who knows? Certainly not me. What I do know is that right now, what I want is to live with other women, either as a roommate or as a dorm parent, and I want to live near enough to someone with a baby that I can borrow him/her whenever my hormones decide they need a baby fix. I want to work with men and women, and have male and female friends, and not have to think about dating or mating for at least a year.

…so, basically, I need to get a job at a boarding school and then somehow magically disable my biological imperative to breed. At least one of those two goals isn’t completely ridiculous.


Since helping my father fix the plumbing didn’t do much to help me deal with all of this (shocking, I know), my subconscious turned to writing snippets of bad love songs instead. The tune is somewhat similar to “How Far We’ve Come” by Matchbox Twenty. Enjoy…or don’t. Whichever seems more appropriate.

It’s never been a question of do you love me
It’s never been a question of do I care?
Nobody’s ever doubted that we’re both crazy
That this is so much more than a brief affair

The only question is…

Is gonna be the first one
Will be the one to shout that
Are all that I need baby
The one thing I can’t live without

It’s never been a question of will I find you
It’s never been a question of will you wait
You’ve always known that I’m right behind you
We’ve never needed to demonstrate


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3 responses to “Modern Courtship

  1. thebombshelll

    5.1.2012 at 1:20 am

    I promise there are guys out there that do believe in love and want the same kind of romantism as you do! (:

  2. MituKagome

    5.1.2012 at 11:43 am

    I need roommates too. So if I ever end up without them, and you’re without them … I think we could survive living together some more. Although you better be willing to put up with me randomly coming in and taking a nap on your bed while you’re reading. Because we all know that’s going to happen.

    • Myriad

      5.1.2012 at 2:14 pm

      So, basically, I’ll be replacing a Rosie with a Mitu. Does that mean you’d be replacing a Haley with a Myri? Because I don’t really wanna pee on your bed…


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